I make every job fun!

i'm all grown up, with a real job and everything!
but don't worry, this job can't change who i am, i wouldn't let it!
case in point:
i was hurry hurrying to work, in the rain.
the little red hand was flashing: stop. stop. stop.
i had a small debate in my hand.
i continued across the street.
i was about 1/3 the way across the street,
the heel of my shoe got stuck in between two bricks
my momentum (i was practically running) propelled my foot out of the shoe
and onto the cold, wet street, at LEAST two steps.
i screamed: ahh! i lost my shoe! and turned around to pry it out of the ground.
bear in mind that i wasn't even supposed to be crossing the street!
cars were laughing at me, blatantly.

Christmas, Alive and Well

Me and Jamie really know how to celebrate a holiday, my first real tree! we just went to a shady parking lot business, bought a tree, tied it to a car, bought some sprite, and drove home. Why are we so cool? We were born this way.

The In-Between.

Let me take you on a journey.
My day started off normal. Me, waking up on the floor of my apartment at roughly 10 or 11 in the morning to Jamie getting ready for work. Making Jamie breakfast (hash browns and eggs) which I ended up eating because she didn't have time, cleaning, doing the dishes, watching some tv online, you know, it's how I do.
Little did I know that these events would lead up to a fun and awkward infused day.
I left for work in my car, and that's where the trouble started. As I drove down the road I started noticing more and more motorcycles lining the sides of the street, and the two lane road began to narrow and narrow until it became a one lane road. What did I do you ask? I just kept driving! Turning around did not cross my mind once, strike one reflexes-strike one. Keep in mind there were motorcycles on the side of the road. A lot of them. and out of the corner of my eye one single cycle caught my eye. "Parade Enforcer" a sign attached to the front of it read. And that's when it started. all the cycles took off and somehow I had gotten caught up in the middle  There were motorcycles to the front, to the back, on each side. And my lonely car was chugging along right with them. I had become part of the parade. It gets better, there were people on watching the parade and I can only imagine what they were thinking. Some white cheerleader car among all these choppers and harleys? Has someone told this girl that she is in a car? Does she realize that this is a parade? no ok, no!
And my day only got more interesting, I stopped off at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. After I had paid up and made light conversation with the man in the white jacket and several other pharmacy-goers, the pharmacist handed me my medicine and simply stated, "you enjoy that." now i can see how that would be slightly amusing if I had picked up say pain killers, but it was antibiotics, and not even antibiotics because i was sick. I'd seen this guy once a month for the last six months. I said the only thing that came to mind, "you don't have to tell me twice!"
and the icing on the cake. when i arrived at work, I took one last glance in the rearview to make sure I looked presentable. well, I didn't. The remnants of my lunch remained on my lip. peanut butter, peanuts included. the whole parade experience? the pharmacy situation? all were made that much better because the world could finally physically witness how much i love peanut butter.

now, i know i share a lot of albertson's stories, but this one is sure to be a crowd pleaser. I had finished up helping a customer in his pursuit of deli meat ecstasy, and asked, "is there anything else I can do for you?" and he answered without so much a hesitation, "yes, please do not get hit by a drunk driver." and walked away. I guess i'll try my hardest?

Ugghh

The SICKEST thing happened to me the other day.
So, I was at my favorite place in the entire world, Albertson's, and I was cleaning up for the night. They have the apex of trash compactors, so big it resides in a wall. The entrance to it is practically above my head. I heaved, I ho'ed, and hoisted a gigantic bag of trash up and through the hole in the wall, but not quick enough to escape what happened next. A drop, a single drop (or it could have been several drops that congregated to form one large one) dripped down the plastic from whence it was conceived, and LANDED IN MY EYE. That's right, garbage juice, in my eye opened wide in surprise. My eye's natural defenses of course, were of no use, as watering tends to spread the filth throughout. So now i have one tainted eye, and half my brain sees everything in a dirtier light.
This experience goes right up there on my list of choice Albertson's accomplishments including:
-Getting in a fight with an old lady. I do not exaggerate, she told me she was 88 in the midst of our argument
-Having the general manager comment on how dirty my uniform was
-Still not washing the said uniform.
-My manager asking me to turn my apron around, because it was too dirty to be seen by the general public, more than once.
-Complaining about how much i wanted candy, until my assistant manager bought me a bag. Embarrassing, but worth it, right? wrong! she bought those hershey cookies and cream bars, who even likes those. why do they even make those. I had to choke them down to please her.
-Cutting myself on the slicer, they told me they'd NEVER had someone do that.
-Cutting myself again, the very next day.
-Still not washing my uniform
-Having the store manager bring the little employee pep meetings back to the deli, because i had missed it (intentionally) so many times. He wanted to make sure i was included.
Oh the joys that are grocery.

and the crazy ensues.

oh the deli. these are actual instructions i read in a pamphlet. ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS.
if you see a pest (mouse, rat, or fly) enter the workplace, contact your manager immediately.
and i fully intend to do so. every fly the comes into the deli will have me running up front to let the manager know there is a pest rampage happening in the workplace.

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Recently I have acquired a position at a local deli, ok a corporate deli.
Their motto is "crazy about food". Well they have one thing right, they are definitely crazy.
We started with the basics, training videos. Everyone knows that training videos are corny, but this place went above and beyond the expectancy level. At one point a lady exclaimed to a worker (in the video)-you have astounded me with your wealth of knowledge. I couldn't help it, I started laughing and laughing. The worst part is, no one else thought it was weird. The other trainees were riveted! As I laughed I looked around like, "come now, you can't be serious. right?" they all shifted awkwardly in their seats as if to apologize for my raucous behavior.
Next up was online training, you know the type, listening to a lot of boring videos and answering questions afterwards.
I settled in for the long haul, and was pleasantly surprised when I found out that whoever created the videos was a weirdo. Point in case, an actual instruction from the video: when you are cleaning up the deli, make sure you pick up debris from the floor. Napkins, gloves, toothpicks, grapes, and other items that might be in the way. GRAPES? What in tarnation! I can only assume that lately there has been an excess of grape dropping, subsequently resulting in grape squashing, that is simply unacceptable. So unacceptable in fact that they decided to put it in the online training videos. This way, they can nip this grape problem in the bud.
And the last is, my manager. He said something so funny that it is blog-worthy. He was giving the troops a pep talk, when an epiphany hit him. He stopped, and inserted in the repartee-we shouldn't be saying customer service anymore. We should be saying customer satisfaction, because we want them to be thoroughly satisfied. And I could only think-yes thoroughly satisfied is much better than being thoroughly serviced. I still wish I had said it out loud. Ok so what he said wasn't that funny, I just wanted an excuse to put something funny I thought in. done, and done.

The Ducat

Oh what, you don't have a friend with a Ducati who drives you to cool waterfalls, and then takes pictures of you at the tippy top? (I really am up there, in a green shirt, look close)